i was going to go for a run.


but instead i had two creamsicles, three turtles and eight pieces of toast with margarine.

i think it was a decent trade-off.

ahh...

the profound musings of a truely sophisticated person.

giggles, cherries, and non-sensical nonsense. (and yes, redundancies as well!)

hm...i believe i will do the first impressions thing soon.

not now.

giggles, julia.

giggles is the most disgusting word ever.

look at it.

listen to it.

don't you want to barf now?

maybe i've been eating too many cherries.

seriously.

my fingers are stained cherry blue.

i'm bloated.

but i regret nothiiiing!

if i HAD been born first, i wouldn't be me, would i?

in a way, if i had been born first, i wouldn't have been born.

just because it's a girl doesn't mean it's me.

what if mark was born a girl and i was still born 4th? would i still be me? what if i was a guy? you can't really say that's still me. because then it's like saying that even though i'm a girl, i'm someone else too; the guy who wasn't born.

do you see?

today my dad casually mentioned that if i had been born first, he would have gone ahead and become a plastic surgeon. but he didn't, because he had to look after mark and the rest of them, and couldn't do so while in school.

does that mean he wouldn't have had the boys? he only wanted a girl? they tell me i was his favourite. he always says "but you're my only daughter..."

or maybe he just thinks i was a god awful ugly baby.

someone told me they were reminded of my emails when they read a book called, "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius: based on a true story"

now i feel i must read it. if not for that (i'm so self-absorbed), than for the title. you can't help but love the title.

they said they enjoyed it, but was hesitant to recommend it.

while in seattle i read a lot.

i'm not sure if laurie remembers, but during one of our make-out sesh's in the back of the library, i grabbed a random book, and tried to find a paragraph i thought she'd appreciate. naturally, it was one where the heroine describes stuffing her shirt with napkins (two on each side). i ended up reading that one. desiree by annemarie selinko. i wasn't sure if i liked it, but i kept reading it. it's a book only a girl would like. although, they would probably have a hard time admitting it. it's based on a true story, which was extremely surprising. a middle class girl who napoleon was engaged to, who eventually (really..it's a long book) becomes the queen of sweden. i can't believe all that happened in someone's life. i was impressed because it's over 50 years old since it was written, but you can still relate to it.

then i read the bridges of madison county. i saw it on sale for $2 at a mall, and since the title sounded familiar, i got it. it's short. it's a little boring. but only an uncultered and unsophisticated person would say that. it's boring, and i'm unappreciative.

it turns out both those books have been made into movies.
desiree had marlon brando as napoleon. now i have to see it.

you see how these things happen?

jan is all into that manga stuff. she lent me a bunch of anime dvds. i didn't know what to say. i said that i heard of one of them (spirited away) and next thing i knew, i was holding 3 boxes of cartoons. i read a bunch of her books. no commento.

i ran today. i have a little over a month to get ready.
i wonder how i'll feel if i don't make the team.

i was thinking about how a lot of things that i was really psyched up for turned out to be very insignificant.

for example: the talent show during the united nations trip (i'm very surprised tara thinks she and i won third for our shitty work with the rose. why bother telling her it was me for the cuckoo.); hon mention for biotech; the reunion; graduation; new brunswick trip; prom

i realize some of those didn't even happen. actually just the last two. i remembered how i was so torn between going to nb or prom, and in the end i didn't go to either. oh irony. i'm sure you'd be fun if you weren't such a damn bitch.

in nordstrom there were two male manniquins standing beside each other. i will find a way to show you them. one was jacob, and the other was alex, from the un-trip. i was amazed. i took a picture.

oops. that's another thing to do. say hi to sharon.

sharon
tanya
kevin
mike
mike
gomez
demaiter
gabe
amanda

i'm stopping because it's getting intimidating.

stopping this too.

how come jerks don't know they're jerks?
(i don't know...)

my tummy hurts. i'm home now. and by that, i mean i'm in the office.

jan, my cousin's wife, was due aug. 19. her water broke the morning we were leaving on our jet plane. we didn't know when we'd be back again, but the baby wanted to go. so there was a last minute (literally) semi-panic, and they dropped us off at the airport before rushing to the hospital.

jahyen called this morning, "we're all done now" he said. it's a bouncing (figuratively) baby boy. no name, i think. they called him ebi which means shrimp in japanese, but that was a wombname. i'd cry if his name really was ebi.

what am i called? he is my cousin's son. i guess i'm just his auntie.

seattle reminded me of toronto. not really known for anything interesting. it's a place to live, not to visit. difference is that i didn't want to buy anything for fear of the exchange, and everything looked dusty and hazy. leaves were green, but wilting. vague negative of mountains in the distance. looked like funny clouds.

once i was swinging on a swing, and looking up. i saw a buddha in the sky. he was reclining, and jolly (they always are). i looked up again, and it was just a whispy tuff. i like to think i'm the only one who saw it.

i'm losing hair like nobody's business.

i don't want to go

recieved shannon's email at 4am.

when people tell me they're hurt that i didn't reply to their emails, or that i don't call, i get pissed off.
i'm not saying i'm right to feel that way, especially because i feel that way when people don't reply to me.

i like how i'm spending less and less time on the internet.

i'm going away now, my stomach feels better.

BLAAAAH
now it feels like there's cat hair all over my face!! and i can't get it all off

it's just like i've just gotten my hair cut.

aahahah my cousin's cat just walked straight out of the other room, jumped on the table, walked right up to me, and without breaking stride, smashed his head into my face.

he wanted to be petted.

hello i'm in seattle

during our stop over in las vegas, there were slot machines right at the gates.

i hope no one is offended. we called shannon, and we knew vic and jo were in indiana.

that is all, i don't want to blog.

once they teach you how to draw eyes, it seems like that's all anyone would do.

i remember how everyone had their way of drawing them. it's distinctive. which is to be expected, i guess. i remember josie and steph's always had huge amounts of eyelash. shannon would obsess over how the left and right looked dissimilar, and emma didn't have anything to complain about. i copied the way i do irises from the way shannon did hers.

mine are really intrusive. they're slightly startled, slightly bug-eyed. maybe it's just this one.

it's weird how whenever you doodle, you always draw an eye.

when i'm bored i draw faces. then i try to hide them, because they are funny lookin'. funny lookin' things should be hidden. like ugly babies.

am i joking?

my noses are too small

my old people are crumbly.

it started out with karma police (it looks fake, julia. but i want to jam wit u)

and had turned into over an hour, finding

hallelujah (7 pages!)
the scientist
brick
run
these days

i probably won't even attempt half of them.

hm...looked at the post i posted a while ago, about blogs.

i'm really mood swingy.

i'm a little bit happy about being off-campus.

ah denial is a wonderous thing.

my dad sent an email to my brothers about my solo.
he made up nearly everything except for the part about me solo-ing.

"she was really worried about getting soaked.."
oh please.

i never really noticed the sexual innuendo behind the refreshment's down together. the name didn't tip me off at all.
i like thinking there is none, so i will ignore it and continue to sing it to myself while in public.

so let's go down together

and i could hit my funny bone real hard
and you could call me a sweetheart

and who ever said there was nothing new under the sun?
never thought much about individuals
but he's dead anyway

reading other blogs can make me feel disgusting. disgusted?
sometimes it almost makes me think less of them.

i like being away from people, but i don't like being alone.

i noticed i don't like watching conan with other people. basically, i make an ass out of myself. andrew took pictures of me eating beef jerky with my pants unzipped, half reclined, a bird sitting on my exposed stomach, pointing and laughing at the screen.

maybe i'll get around to learning how to upload what people call pictures these days. it's what all the young people are doing, isn't it?

julia should be last, just because i know she wants to read my first impression of her. and i remember it well...

i soloed today. maybe i'll post about it later. yep, i definately will do it later.

ta-ta suckers

p.s. lemonade tycoon is HARD! picky customers don't like my recipies.

p.p.s. creepy love of pierre trudeau, ehhh? i'll creepy love YOUR pierre trudeau...

...ew.

this was going to be a reply to a comment julia made two posts ago, but it started to look like an actual post...

julia @ 6:19:23 PM
find it disturbing, on an amazing level, that you guys can call each other ted and janet and say insane things like sex eye ballcat and "get it" when... this time last year, you barely/didn't know each other. oh so fantastic.

p.s WHO NAMES THEIR CAT "I HAVE TWO CATS" LAURIE? SEEEERIOUSLY!

p.p.s if i ever get another cat, he shall be called i have two cats

i met laurie in grade 10 math, but she doesn't remember me. i thought she was quiet and one of those animé obsessed girls. especially because of this navy blue monkey shirt that had chinese writing on it. one day, thinking i was about to make a huge point and ass out of those dragonball z girls, i asked laurie what her shirt meant. i remember dayna had worn one just like it in art a few weeks earlier, and we figured out what it said. laurie said something like: i love monkeys. i said: really?? (actually intrigued)
she said: i dunno. i made that up.

i sulked away to my cave, plotting my revenge.

and here it is: janet IS ted!

i'm going to do one of these for every one of my hoes.

by hoes i mean nice ladies.

i have yet to read a comment from or have a conversation with laurie where none of the following are mentioned:

eyes
balls
cats
teds
beethovens
"that girl rice from beethoven"
sex (what?) sexes
cards
wine glasses
boobs (ta-tas, knockers, jigglies, jugs..etc..)
peni (peni? penises? peni.)
vaginas (five of them)
janets
yannis
mrs.demaiter(rrrrrrrrrrr)s

...any more?

i did spins today. i liked 'em. i felt sick from turbulence. i flew a new plane. it's crappier.

i solo tomorrow, if weather is good. so if i die, it will be my fault.

so far though, i'm still alive. which is good because i can eat more of that great popcorn i made from scratch yesterday. (i crafted each kernel myself. as well as the pot. and the oil. and the stove. and the so on.)

04:30:52 PM

my piano teacher told me her husband has always wanted to be a minister. and sometimes he is a stand-in one. once, he had a sermon about god's creatures, and based it around his new cat. he named it: i have two cats.

i have two cats is the name of the sermon. not the cat.

thanks janet

i'm so sick and tired of being told i made the wrong choice.

even worse, they're telling me what to do now, and i have to listen to them because "you've already made such a big mistake, don't make another one."

leave me the fuck alone.

i'm actually perfectly okay with eating veal.

i like meat.

i like leather chairs.

fur is lame.

i called something lame, and my mom asked what that meant. after that, she called bush and his administration "lame" and said that she and i could "run the world".

then i remembered to lock the liqour cabinet.

weird. it went away by itself.

that reminds me:
there is a chipmunk living in our garage.

it's really cute. i don't know how it keeps getting in there.
i'm going to run over it one of these days.

when i went to muskoka, i ran over my first animal. it was a chipmunk. i was really really upset.

if only i hadn't swerved...it was so full of life...

just like that time i stepped on a snail and felt it's shell crack. i couldn't even go back to look at it. but i saw the goo stains.

i thought a butterfly flew into the running propellor the other day. i laughed then ate a whole slab of veal and spat it onto a baby's face.

you're next, bitch.

i really like irish jokes

the ones where the irish are the butt.
i don't know why. i also like "irish" as a non-offensive adjective for everything.

SUPPLIES!
first prize.
if only it was an irish one too.

ahh the perfect time of day.
just arriving home from piano.
it's too early to feel like i have to get things done
but too late to feel like i have to sleep.

well, that's not totally true. i'm probably going to nap after this.

when i was leaving mrs.mayhew's house, mr.lombardi's garage across the street opened. i remembered how he said i never acknowledge him when i see him (why should i. i don't know him.) but this time i figured i'd check to see if it was him. as the door slowly exposed a set of legs wearing a tan skirt, i decided to leave, since saying hi to his wife was a little too forced. then i realize that it was mr.lombardi afterall. he was in drag. no, he was just wearing really long shorts. pants, if you will. no, they were shorts.

then when i was almost home, i saw a really old couple holding hands, walking down the street. it was the same couple i saw a few weeks ago with my mom, when we were driving home.
"oh my gaaawd!" my mom says, "that old man has a girlfriend!"
i didn't understand why she was freaking out, and thought she was going to launch into an anti-man speech about having girlfriends instead of wives.
but no, she was definately his girlfriend because "i'm his doctor!"
"so he tells you who he dates?"
"no, his wife died a few years ago! good for him!"

as i passed by them, he looked all sheepish yet proud, and smiled at me. heheee

he wants me.

hahaha

aw...

the weather is great.
i didnt' fly today. (yay)

andrew went back to toronto. boo.
mama's going to be angry again.

going to visit cousin and cousin's wife and cousin and cousin's wife's unborn child next week.
it's a boy.

i'm going to convince them to name it Francis.
i think that would be hilarious.

why does the name Xenon keep popping into my head?

..isn't that an element?

oh my.

my piano teacher told me her husband has always wanted to be a minister. and sometimes he is a stand-in one. once, he had a sermon about god's creatures, and based it around his new cat. he named it: i have two cats.

we laughed for a really long time.

on a related note, it turns out i'm actually a 57 year old woman.

my butt itches. the left cheek. on the outside, closer to my hip, but still on the fleshy part of the ass.

itch itch.

we were discussing how shitty modern classical is, and i asked her what defines classical music.

Classical is the time between Baroque and Romantic.

classical means art music. opposite to popular music.
"so when you study classical with a small c, you're studying artistic music..not the...ugh."

classical music being art music made me feel nice and pretentious.

in music history you have to listen to a bunch of pre-selected songs, and study them for the exam.

it's crazy how often they are ripped off from.
and now, not only am i talking about classical music, but i'm going to be talking about final fantasy.

airship theme from aforemented video experience was taken from chopin's polonaise in a flat minor. (it's funny because we're both fooling ourselves that you give a shit.)

andrew lloyd webber's "close every door to me" from joseph and technicolor dreamcoat was taken from some song i can't remember now (hah, i'm awesome)

and so on.

eventually, they must run out of sounds. or melodies. wouldn't you think so?

eventually, do you think racing records will just stop being broken? because there is no way they can go all the way to zero, but someone always manages to be just a little bit faster. so with enough time, wouldn't you think..

honestly, my day is ALL flying lessons and piano/music history.

then flying and piano/music history homework.
hours entering blood work lab results for my mom at the office.

this must be my first summer where i've been forced to go outside everyday, and (so far) haven't gotten the chance to spend a whole day in pyjamas.

i miss the times when i would wake up, eat supper, then go to bed again.

i go cry now.

josie saw me at the parade and made all things better

last week i...

- made my him cry.
- hated myself for not hating myself
- was driven home by his live-in girlfriend/ex-secretary ... alone. (and at the time, just like now, i didn't know what to say nor feel.)
- could not fly due to weather, twice
- fought with her
- complained about having to be in the parade
- missed the parade
- ran barefoot through the parade crowds of bellevegas, with the combo of double slits of china dress and a perverted wind equalling one too many public showings of steph's underwear
- had a sucky time
- hated myself for not hating myself for not feeling bad

yesterday i...
- hung out with jen until three am. we had great bubbletea. and watched videos.

Don't ask me how i am today
Don't wanna talk about it
Don't ask what the matter is
Today's the big day
Daddy's getting married
Mama wipe yer tears away
My daddy's getting married
I don't know what to say
My daddy's getting married
Today's the big day
My daddy's getting married
Mama wipe yer tears away

i keep picturing my dad wiping his red eyes with the kleenex that fell apart and stuck to his eyes under the weight of his tears.

i forgot to call him.

i didn't do my piano

nor music history

nor flight study

i saw a movie

andrew is home, and my mom is in better airs.

welcome day at mac is the same day as my music history exam.


pretend you didn't read this blog.

act like you don't know anyone i'm talking about
it's a private thing,
don't get involved
and if you discuss with anyone, i'll kick your fucking ass.

the beatles are my favourite band because they are always new.

i love how i'm being treated as if i did something wrong.

i should have been a pregnant run-away prostitute in grade eight.
to them, it's the same as going to a university of your own choice.

"i'm telling you now, you're not going to be happy. and if you are, it's only because you don't know what you're missing."

i really don't want to be in the parade.

thanks for all the notice, fuckheads.

life sucks ass.

i am so unhappy.

queens said they'd take me.

i'm so angry.

all the things that normally make me happy make me feel worse.

i can't even talk to her about mcmaster

she associates it with my dad.

it's a huge power struggle.

no one understands.

so fuck off.

"some gay pansy (he is truly a homosexual, no sarcasm) called me a bitch and gave me the finger behind my back with his pigface girl friend."

i love when people give the finger out of anger. it never fails to look incredibly wussy. not to mention giving the finger to someone's back. now THAT is one bad mutha!

it reminds me of when people stick their tongue out as an insult. then run away, kicking their feet out as they run, with their arms circling wildly yet weakly.
and if you can picture what i'm trying to describe, i want you to be my best friend.

my aunt who lives in england just called.
she asked me where my mom was.
i told her, the office.
she said, oh. because i just saw someone on the street and thought it was your mum.

there was a short pause.

are you sure...so you're sure she's in canada?

and honestly, i couldn't be one hundred percent sure she was in canada, because crazy things happen.
so i told her that yes, that person on the street was my mom. go hug her now.

no, that's a lie.

that aunt is a lot like my mom in the strange naivité and irrationally rational thinking. except those characteristics are multiplied by a thousand in auntie doreen.

There was funky Billie Jim
And little Sammy John
He said, here comes the big boss, (hua-huah!)
Let's get it on

kung fu fighting - carl douglas. that is the best part.

i love when phil, my flight instructor tells me to put on the flaps on the wings. because he says: "alright, get your flap on". after he says that, i want so badly to point at the sky and say, "hit it maestro!" then start dancing in my seat.

i don't understand why people feel the need to log onto msn, change their msn name to "i'm not here" or "sleeping" etc...
but stay online.

there's also those people who are so feel the need to tell people what is going on in their lives...through their msn names.

rosco took a shit on my music sheets. twice. while i was playing them. everybody's a critic.

you suck, you fucking jackass.

i've lost touch with so many people.
all of them are recoverable.


i know i won't do anything.

that's why it's sad.

an empty bowl of nothing is something.

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
i am still right here.

what have i become
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away
in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i am exactly 0.2% from the $4000 one.

to: anyone
from: guess
re: it's true.

i miss you everyday. you probably think i don't (and i would too, if i were you), but i do. i'm glad you don't know.

And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin' coal
Pourin' off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue.

- Bob Dylan "Tangled Up In Blue"

sometimes feeling sad is nice.

pour laurie,

sex.

111

there are lots of times when having a blog seems so pointless.

I pretty much know everyone who reads it, and usually when i talk about things, i have them in mind. that is, i'll avoid saying things i know could be taken the wrong way. it's just stupid to hint at things, yet not elaborate. and there's always those times where blogging ends up being the main form of communication. pretty sad, how face-to-face communiqué has gone out the window. maybe that's why i'm starting to studder.

So make a blog, and don't tell anyone about it. We've seen how easy it is to find someone's privately public journals. Why post things on the internet if you don't want anyone to read it? I guess that's because posting is a way to express yourself. but it's not really expression if no one listens. or in this case, reads.

You have to know someone is reading, and that you're somehow telling the world how shitty it's being to you. or how great.

I'm looking back at yesterday's post, and i'm realizing that i don't want to elaborate at all. talking all about it leads to analyzing it. people will read it, and will think about it. i'll share it with everyone, and for some reason, I feel like this cheapens it, makes it less...

surreal? because that's what makes it perfect. and to force it to the ground forces that aspect out of it. because right now, it seems like it might not have happened. it's that dream you just woke up from. i'm not willing to recognize the new, harsher reality.

it's going on for fifteen minutes about how that guy asked to borrow a pen, smiled at you, or said your name. it's impossible to show them what you saw. to them, it was nothing, and you're overreacting, you damn drama queen. but really, it was something, and you refuse to think otherwise.

so i just won't say anything.
because it was nothing, but that's why it was amazing.

p.s. yes, i realize i'm an ass.

i'm feeling really happy right now.

reunion was great,
though i didn't think so at certain parts.

what an awesome person.

elaborate / at a later date

for now, the plan is to become tired enough so i actually sound sick when i cancel tomorrow's flying.

speaking of, phil said i'm an hour away from being totally ready to solo. however, i'm not going to be able to, since i have to wait for my medical to come back. in the meantime, we have to do emergency procedures.

iee...spins..spirals. and yes, more stalls.

elaboration is for tomorrow.
sleep now.

great day.

Steph says:
oh wow!
Steph says:
you posted it
Steph says:
oh laurie..
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
hehe
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
i TOLD you i did
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
goof
Steph says:
don't call me a goof!
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
i didn't
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
I called Joe Quinn a goof.
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
He was eating Willy's cheese.
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
And, of course, that sounds really dirty.
Steph says:
hahahahhahahHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Steph says:
aw i wish there was a bigger size after caps
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
hehe.
Steph says:
because then you could really yell.
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
Blog that then
Steph says:
will it make things better between us?
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
hehe
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
yes
Steph says:
my beautiful blue-assed luvAH?
the small town eyes will gape at you says:
we'll be so much closer

a swift kick in the ass

as was told to laurie...

today i finally started to feel better about the no-rez situation at mac.
i've been emailing a girl from Bhutan who is coming to mac, in same program as me. she's looking for off-campus housing too. we've been collaborating, and i'm trying to get her a place at my house.

a letter from mike.
flying is starting to be enjoyable.
i'm getting along with everyone.
my mom understands how i feel.
my dad and i have a relationship.
decisions are being supported.

i'm content.

then u of t, the single school that i did not want to go to. the school i knew i could not handle, tells me they are sending out another acceptance, and talk to gloria if you want rez. not only that, but they are probably the only school that is going to do that.

i'm lame.

this is what i get for not being honest.

maybe i should lie about it.

ahh...a lesson well learned, indeed.

leave me alone!

i don't see how saying:

yeah, you should have gotten residence, it's really really important in first year.

is supposed to do anything.

chris got good marks on his MCAT.

maybe now my mom will stop bitching about him.

of course, this means all her negative attentions are on me, again.

ahahaha awesome!

Take a Walk on the Wild Side - Lou Reed

i like to link to people who don't know who i am.

it's a disEAAAAAse!!

tell you more later, but

i found a place. it's crazy close to campus. literally across the street. amazing close. i might be closer to some of my classes than people in residence..

my room is kind of small. but the house is nice.

emma getting into u of t innis made me really happy. (it's odd. i'm living through her or something.)
but sad at the same time, because i was accepted at u of t innis as well.

boo hoo hoo.
slap.

okay! well, the letters i wrote out to each of my other universities are barftastically ass kissy. so much so, that my mom hugged me when she read them. she thinks i'm cute.
aw, i'm cute.
you have no idea, though. i would post one to give you an idea, but really, it's sickening. especially how they're virtually the same for all the universities i wrote to.

my mom took me to see western.

unfortunately, that campus is perfect.
it's exactly how i pictured university to be like.
i HATE IT.
i tried really hard to dislike it. but there's no denying...

i'm not sure what's worse. hating something when you want to like it, or liking something you want to hate.

mac sucks.
why do i want to go there?
i've never met anyone who went there who didn't like it. wait. yes i did. but he's kind of an idiot.
aahahaha....i actually don't find that funny either.

mac's brochures look really nice. they have very professional pictures of old ivy-covered buildings, and lush trees all over.
but...i'm near positive that they took pictures of the same building, but from different angles.
upon closer inspection...i'm sure they did.

i think it's time to talk to allison again.
i actually DO have good reasons for wanting to go to mcmaster.
they're just too easy to forget nowadays.

i remember psychology at western is a social science, but at mac it's a science.
uhh...and yeah.

where did western get all that money to make such an amazing campus?
i think it's the best in ontario.

their flowers were colour coordinated to match the university's colours.

mac's buildings are sometimes matching the university's colours: maroon and grey and gold. but it often comes out to be spotty grey, dusty brown, and broken yellow. it's small.

i'm going to have 5 roommates.
there was an odd incident where my mom and i sort of broke into the house. freaked out my future roommate, and got the landlord tiffed off at me.

ah well.

if the universities tell me i can go to their places, it'll probably be for something lame, like a degree in Female Mongolian Postal Worker's Interpersonal Relationships in the 14th Century.
however: if western says yes, i'll be there. toronto, however, i am still too scared of to do science at.

suckiness sucks.

hooray for happy news.